The INFJ Personality and the Search for the Perfect Relationship
According to PersonalityDesk.com, INFJs are the Myers-Briggs type most likely to express marital dissatisfaction. When I first read this, it puzzled me. After all, INFJs are adept at solving problems involving people.
In fact, INFJs are so good at solving problems that they may unconsciously scan their environment looking for ways to improve relationships. This, I think, is what leads to the dissatisfaction.
According to Dr. Phil, 90% of relationship problems can’t be solved. Why? Because it would require one person or the other to compromise their values. So the best a couple can do is to agree to disagree.
INFJs don’t want people to compromise their values—yet that 90% statistic is bound to discourage INFJs like me. I suspect it isn’t the relationship problems themselves that lead to the INFJs’ dissatisfaction; it’s the fact that the problems can’t be solved. Perhaps the INFJs feel that if only they could be more creative, or their partner could be more flexible, the little annoyances that have existed since the first day of the relationship could be eliminated. Not so. No amount of skill or understanding will make naturally ingrained differences go away.
Perhaps this is what draws me to writing women’s fiction. I can create relationship problems, which I can then go about solving, without hurting anyone but my fictional characters in the process. Real life, unfortunately, doesn’t work that way. The INFJs’ search for perfection can damage otherwise good relationships. So I propose a revised Serenity Prayer for INFJs: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Period.