The INFJ Personality and the Search for the Perfect Relationship

According to, INFJs are the Myers-Briggs type most likely to express marital dissatisfaction. When I first read this, it puzzled me. After all, INFJs are adept at solving problems involving people.

In fact, INFJs are so good at solving problems that they may unconsciously scan their environment looking for ways to improve relationships. This, I think, is what leads to the dissatisfaction.

According to Dr. Phil, 90% of relationship problems can’t be solved. Why? Because it would require one person or the other to compromise their values. So the best a couple can do is to agree to disagree.

INFJs don’t want people to compromise their values—yet that 90% statistic is bound to discourage INFJs like me. I suspect it isn’t the relationship problems themselves that lead to the INFJs’ dissatisfaction; it’s the fact that the problems can’t be solved. Perhaps the INFJs feel that if only they could be more creative, or their partner could be more flexible, the little annoyances that have existed since the first day of the relationship could be eliminated. Not so. No amount of skill or understanding will make naturally ingrained differences go away.

Perhaps this is what draws me to writing women’s fiction. I can create relationship problems, which I can then go about solving, without hurting anyone but my fictional characters in the process. Real life, unfortunately, doesn’t work that way. The INFJs’ search for perfection can damage otherwise good relationships. So I propose a revised Serenity Prayer for INFJs: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Period.

Related posts:
The INFJ Writing Personality: Eloquent Vision
The Truth About the Myers-Briggs Personality Types

The INFJ Writing Personality: Eloquent Vision

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual,
you have an obligation to be one.
—Eleanor Roosevelt

Young woman outdoors writing in a bookCan knowledge of personality type help you as a writer?

If you’re an INFJ, the writing strategies you learned in school likely worked well for you. INFJs take to writing naturally. They enjoy working alone, reflecting on ideas, and expressing their vision. But the thought of using an outline may leave you feeling straitjacketed. INFJ writers organize their ideas internally, according to their own creative process. To feel comfortable, they need freedom to explore their insights and work through complex problems.

The INFJ personality type is one of 16 identified by Isabel Myers and her mother, Katharine Briggs. Myers and Briggs are the original authors of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, a popular psychometric instrument used to determine how people prefer to gather information and make decisions. The initials INFJ stand for the following: Continue reading “The INFJ Writing Personality: Eloquent Vision”